too much.

im totally cluttered with all this stuff right now. i wasent feeling stress before. but i think my hormones are going full speed right now with the new birth control ive been taking. they told me there would be changes and i think im feeling them now. i can usually brush everything thing to the side so i dont feel stress. and its hard to tell if im pissed because everything is really as bad as im making it or if its only this bad right now because of pms. so here are the details, my car is breaking down, ryan thinks its a good idea to lease a new one and im not sure. it sounds good but it will be in my name and if anything happens to it i have to pay. i know as soon as the first coffee spills in the car or blunt ashes get everywhere is going to make me sound like ryans mother. (not my own cuz she doesnt give a fuck about anything) anyway, i just know the car is going to get fucked up. nothing we have ever owned stayed nice for long. and its going to be me that has to pay for it. i just dont want to be a nagging bitch about a piece of metal that will get me to and from work. and way more expencive then just taking the bus. now i can understand i want a car for shows and festivals and to see my family. but that means i want the car for 3 sep. occations for the year. when i can just take a bus or now a zip car. ok and then im pissed because im not getting any hours at the lone wolf or at the black sheep. im getting 30 between the 2 and before i was doing like 50 sooo.. i know its slow but i think andrew and dan both have this weird relatonship with me, where i feel they like me bc if they dont it will be a mess at work. but thats not even it thats petty shit compared to the fact that black sheep cant even cash my checks anymore.we have to wait to get busy so we can take it from the drawers. if too many ppl come i nthe same day you have to wait bc  there will be no money in the register. how fucked up is that! my boss cant afford to pay me!!! yay! so i have to find a new job, and like i said it doesnt seem like im going to get any more hours at lone wolf. i just cant get it down 100% for some reason. although i do believe that if i worked full time instead of 2 5 hours shifts a week i will get it down in no time.and i dont have a good education compared to these college kids and now im almost 30 and i cant get a fucken new job. but these 19 year old school kids can. ugghhhhh! then the last thing im going to complain about is our apartment. i pay 875 from nov.-march, i think. for heat... i can have my heater turned all the way up with the bathroom heater on and a electric heater and it will be 60 degrees in my house... R U KIDDING????? !!!! if i want it to be warm i have to put on 3 layers turn on the oven plug in the heater and shut the door to the side room. sounds like it waste a lot  of power to heat 1 fucken room!!@!!!!! and this guys got all the power on the same fuse so when the upstairs neighbors are home we blow a fuse ever hour even with just a fan on downstairs in our apartment.wtf im trying to sleep and she turns the light on upstairs and all my power blows out. and bc the fuse box is in our apartment for the upstairs too we have to reset it. which is good for us cuz at least we can.